And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
from A New Path To The Waterfall
Conversations with MeganHave been spending the afternoon with Meg... listening to Wilcox, leaning back in the chair, on the sofa, her tiny limbs tangled in my my arms, listening to the music, the words... She knows many of them, and I know it is reaching her heart as it has mine...
She finds an eyelash on my cheek.... takes it between her thumb and forefinger...
"Make a wish", she says.
My eyes closed, a smile appearing, I say, "OK".
"Finger or thumb?"
It clings to her thumb... "Sorry, not this time".
"Oh well, I almost always get it right, and I always get my wish..."
"What did you wish for?"
"Same thing I always wish for..."
"To spend as much of my life as possible with you... So I got quite a lot of 'wins' stocked up..."
She lays her face by mine.
(David is singing That's What the Lonely is For.)
"Did you ever doubt having kids?"
"I mean, before you had us."
"Oh, yeah... I was scared. Scared I wouldn't be good at it."
"I probably won't be a good parent."
"Oh, I know you will be, Meg. I look forward to seeing what a great parent you will be."
"Why? How do you know?"
"Because you are such a great person. You will be a wonderful parent. You already amaze me... You'll grow up into a beautiful woman, and find the right guy, or be found by him, because you will attract people as beautiful and gentle as yourself... and I will be happy for you."
She is quiet a while, and I close my eyes...
She takes my pen from my pocket.
"This is a great pen. I like how it writes, but why do people spend so much money on a pen?"
"I dunno. Why do they spend so much on athletic shoes and designer clothes?"
"Because they make us look good!"
"Hmmmm.... ok. Well, I love this pen coz it writes good... and it's one of the best gifts your momma ever gave me..."
"What's the worst gift she ever gave you?"
"Well... I don't think there ever was such a thing."
"What's the best gift she ever gave you?"
"You and Jenni... Definitely you and Jenni..."